For most weddings, I recommend having the speeches after dinner. Your food can be served when it is ready, your guests will be more relaxed and nobody has to endure a 45-minute best-man speech while wondering what has happened to their chicken.
If you do not want speeches, do not have speeches.
If you do not want a first dance, do not have one.
If you do not want a wedding cake, spend the money on something you will actually enjoy.
If you want to wear pink boots, wear those bad boys.
The only thing I would suggest is standing up at some point and thanking everybody for coming. Some guests may have travelled a long way to celebrate with you. They are there because they love you and want to share the day with you.
You do not need a carefully written speech or ten minutes of jokes. Just acknowledge them and say thank you.
You can find more straightforward wedding planning advice based on what I have seen work across more than 500 weddings.